When I started my career, I was the first year group to receive a personal laptop. Access to email was not widespread, files were paper and your best friend was your giant key calculator (or an ‘adding machine’, real old school auditing).
It was also a time of phrases like ‘man up’, ‘suck it up’, ‘just get your head down’: you know, ‘manly’.
Yes, you had plenty of support from peers, managers and partners if you had work-related or technical questions, but indicating that you were struggling was perceived to show ‘weakness’ – whether that was a true reflection or not, I am sure most would say it was how you felt.
Looking back, I definitely had periods in my career when I was struggling.
Having someone to talk to, like I do now, would have made the world of difference. I will never forget when a partner opened up to me for the first time and helped me put a name to what I had been feeling for years: imposter syndrome.
I remember that day for a number of reasons – foremost, given the culture of the time, that must have been very hard for the partner to admit to me about themselves but, also, it was huge realising that it wasn’t just me.
I would love to say from that day it was plain sailing, but it wasn’t. Although I now had an understanding – and a name – for why I had been feeling the way I did, and I wasn’t alone, I was working in an environment that I still felt I couldn’t admit when I was struggling and, more importantly, how much I was struggling. I still felt I had to ‘man up’, both to be part of the workplace but also that ever present question over career progression.
It took changes in my career path, serious health episodes and – thankfully – family and friends not accepting the normal “I’m fine” when asked how I was or how things were going, to acknowledge I needed to take steps to address the recurring feelings of anxiety and self-doubt.
What I did and what I still do:
Embracing ‘it’s good to talk’ – finding options in the different circles you move in to talk openly is critical. Breaking through that barrier to showing vulnerabilities, recognising areas of development, being open about challenges, asking for help – is the hardest thing, but it was the biggest catalyst for change.
Appreciating that it’s not just you. We all work in a very dynamic and changing world, which means we all have challenges and the benefit of sharing experiences is invaluable.
Step back – try to understand how all aspects of your life impact your mental wellbeing: everything from nutrition to sleep to exercise to relationships. You can’t change everything at once, so look for the first, easier steps and make a plan.
Setting yourself goals and seeing you knock them off has a fantastic effect and impact on driving you forward to some of the more difficult changes you need to make – trust me!
Anchors – what makes you happy, what do you consider important, how to do you measure success? Ask yourself these questions – you might be surprised at the answers, and then even more surprised at what you should focus on.
I had to find a way to be open and talk because my brain felt that it was full and I needed to create space. It was impacting my ability to sleep, to concentrate, and my energy levels.
Everyone talks about ‘work life balance’ which, personally, is something I have always struggled with: what I realised is, for me, that it’s a notion I don’t think is achievable.
What I started to focus on was life balance. Let’s be honest, we spend a huge amount of our time working and that is needed to give us the life that we want. I genuinely love my job: it gives me the things I want, from development opportunities to relationships with people from all walks of life.
But what I realised was I had a ‘work Paul’ and a ‘home Paul’. It was ‘home Paul’ that was experiencing the challenges, the lack of energy, the irritability, whereas ‘work Paul’ was very extroverted, seemed happy, full of energy.
So, my challenge to you is to really ask yourself: how’s your life balance? And if you’re uncomfortable with the answer, find someone to talk to: it’s never just you.
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